Gone
by CrazyOtaku13
Summary: Natasha had always been so careful. Blackfrost. Trigger Warning: Abortion.


**A/N: I'm finding lots of Blackfrost drabbles in my idea documents, so I wanna post some finished ones instead of letting them sit there. This one's really messed up, maybe since it was based on a dream. I might make it a full story later on, but for now, here's this. Trigger Warning: Abortion, miscarriage.**

Natasha Romanoff was always careful no matter what the situation. For her to slip up was rare. It was the equivalent of Tony Stark going to a party and not getting drunk-and that _never _happened. Natasha wanted to hate herself for her mistake. She wasn't even sure if it qualified as a mistake since she never thought her predicament was even possible to begin with.

Nonetheless, she needed to take matters into her own hands. It was for this reason that Natasha snuck out in the early hours of the morning while Loki was still fast asleep in their bed. She made her way to the bathroom, a large cosmetic box and coat in her arms. Natasha locked herself in the bathroom and opened her makeup case to reveal a long blonde wig. It had been a while since Natasha took such lengths to disguise herself. Today, hiding Natasha Romanoff was crucial for her mission.

She left her penthouse, the hood of her jacket pulled over her head, and safely managed to escape the tower, completely unnoticed. Outside, the sun was just beginning to rise. Natasha reached into her jacket pocket for her phone to check the address and time of today's appointment for what felt like the millionth time. She wasn't scared or nervous in the slightest. She just needed to be precise. After all, it wasn't everyday that Natalia Rushman got the chance to step out.

Her old ID from when she worked for Tony was the first one she grabbed. After editing the picture to make Natalie a blonde, Natasha felt that one of her many alter egos was ready to go out in public again. Having 'Stark Industries' marked on her card was also a plus. Working for the company managed to get her a decent discount on a spontaneous round-trip flight across several states.

Natasha walked along a sidewalk, avoiding the early morning joggers and businessmen on their way to work. The nice part about starting her mission early was that she could walk to the nearest airport while having time to think. Natasha had felt perfectly calm, just like she usually did before a mission, but nerves started to take over when she entered the airport. She thought about texting Clint a message to relay to Loki saying she would be home late. After several failed attempts at creating a justifiable lie, she gave up and turned her phone off. Loki, or anyone else for that matter, didn't need to know where she was. She was a wanderer-they all knew that.

"Rushman?" A woman's voice called out.

Before Natasha knew it, her mission was finally getting started. She rose from her chair and followed a woman down a whitewashed hallway. The fearless assassin was shown into a blindingly white room and instructed to undress and lie down on a table covered with wax paper. _Just like you planned it, Romanoff, _she reassured herself as she changed into a hospital gown. Natasha happened to glance down at her phone that she had set atop a chair. She quickly grabbed it before hopping up onto the medical table and lying on her back.

When the doctor stepped in, Natasha found herself clutching her phone for dear life. She recognised the man. But from where? There was something familiar in his aged face…

"You didn't want anesthesia, correct, Miss Rushman?"

"That's correct," she nodded, voice catching in her throat as he unveiled a tray of medical tools. Natasha cursed herself for feeling so jumpy. This wasn't like her at all. A set of hands gingerly grabbed her ankles and Natasha flinched under the latex gloves. "I-I'm so sorry!" she stammered. Now she had lost her cool completely.

"It's perfectly fine to be nervous. Would you like some medication to settle your nerves?"

Natasha was ready to say 'no,' but the goose bumps that had formed along her arms forced her to nod. While the doctor went to grab some medication, Natasha thought about texting Loki. Given that he actually _checked_ his phone (he could care less about the device). Natasha figured she might as well tell him where she was and what she was doing. The chance that he would read her message was a big, fat zero percent. She swore under her breath as the doctor handed her two tiny cups, one with something to relax her, the other with water. "Sorry," Natasha muttered as she downed a mouthful of water. "I'm never like this… I'll relax. I don't need any meds," she added. The pills would most likely prove to be ineffective with her heightened system, anyways. If only her body could have naturally rid itself of the current problem, then Natasha wouldn't be here, shaking like a fool. After two months of waiting for her system to clear itself of the bacteria, Natasha was forced to take matters into professional hands before anything became too obvious.

"Just relax, Miss Rushman," a calming voice reassured her. "This won't take long at all. You should only feel some discomfort."

The red-head lay back against the table, taking deep breaths. It didn't take long for her to finally feel all of her tension melt away. Natasha did her best not to focus on what the doctor was doing at the foot of the table. She looked over at the phone in her hand and decided to give Loki a text to kill time. With the push of a button, her phone's screen lit up as it came back to life.

"You're about to feel some discomfort-just relax," said the doctor.

Natasha opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She felt something cold between her legs, but she didn't react in the slightest. Her eyes focused on her phone and all she could think of was Loki. The god was completely in the dark about her predicament. Did he even deserve to know? They promised each other that no lies would ever come between them. Was this lying, though? It was most certainly betrayal… Natasha squeezed her eyes shut as she suddenlyrealized that this wasn't what she wanted. "S-!" The rest of the word failed to pass her lips. This wasn't what she wanted. For a while, yes, but now… Now, she wanted to embrace what she and Loki had done, not destroy it. Loki would be heartbroken to know that her heart was this cruel. "Pl-!" Again, words failed her as her tongue felt like lead.

"Everything is going as planned, Ms. Rushman…"

But he didn't know that her plans changed… Natasha struggled to move her legs, but nothing would move. Her brain refused to send out any signals no matter how hard she fought. Shaking fingers rubbed against her phone's screen, completely useless in trying to text, let alone call Loki for help. What was she supposed to do if she couldn't move? "I d-" _I don't want this!_

The doctor glanced up at her from between her legs. "Perhaps drinking the water was a bad choice," he mused. "Ms. Romanov."

Natasha's glazed over eyes stared towards the man. Of course. Leave it to a Red Room doctor to know just how to sedate one of their toys…

"How kind of fate to reunite us," the man mused. Natalia felt him force something between her legs and winced. "It's amazing how far technology has come. You've become much easier to locate after settling down with the Avengers. Staying in one place is dangerous-you know that."

Natasha's eyes desperately stared at her phone's home screen as if her eyes would magically open up her contacts to call up all of her friends.

"Tapping your phone was easy. Overhearing your predicament intrigued me even further… A god?" he mocked with a chuckle. "One of my own super soldiers mixing with a god. Think of the possibilities available there!"

_Loki_. His name echoed in her skull. She needed him more than ever before. If only she _talked _to him about what was happening. Then she wouldn't be stuck enduring this torture.

"You were created for fighting, not procreating."

Natasha felt a jolt of pain shoot up her middle, forcing a scream to escape her throat.

"Thankfully, you've made the right choice in choosing to make a sacrifice," the doctor continued, ignoring his patient's cries. "In the end, this will be another life taken by the ruthless Black Widow. And a contribution to science. Imagine the DNA that can be found in you…"

"S-Stop!" she choked out, dropping her phone as she lost all feeling in her fingers.

"There is no going back now."

She saw the doctor reach towards a tray of supplies, his gloved hand smeared with blood. Natasha wasn't one to feel queasy, but right now, she felt bile rising in her throat. None of this would have been happening if she hadn't been so selfish. If Loki knew the truth, she could've gone somewhere local. But no. Even after all these years, her creators were still keeping a watchful eye on their progeny. The Black Widow's life was unsafe and unkind. This was exactly why she chose to nip her problem in the bud and pretend nothing happened. Tears formed in her eyes and as hard as Natasha tried to not cry, she failed. Miserably. She found her voice and began to scream until a blade sliced against her thigh.

"I trained you to keep quiet!" the man warned. "How much more pathetic can you get?"

Natasha felt her anger flare as the old man began to mock her with the same laughter from all those years ago. She begged her body to move for the sole purpose of ripping him to shreds. The pangs in her belly worsened, making the assassin desperate for revenge, for escape… for Loki.

"Here we are…"

She began to feel her middle cramp up as her body was unwillingly forced to expel the very thing Natasha was intent on giving up. "Loki!" she sharply exhaled.

A piece of metal fell to the floor with a soft clang, forcing Natasha to shift her eyes towards the doctor. As if by some miracle-Natasha was positive that she was dreaming- her hero was standing behind the doctor with a hand around his neck. The old man didn't stand a chance as Loki twisted his head backwards as though he was a doll. There was a gruesome snap, followed by a heavy thud as the god tossed the limp body aside.

Natasha felt like a helpless child as her eyes met with Loki's. The grim expression told her that he was angry, but he had every right to be. She opened her mouth to try to utter an apology, but her tongue felt heavy again. Whatever drugs were involved, they did one hell of a job. After a painful silence that felt like hours, Loki picked up Natasha's phone, her clothes, her bag, and then her.

She rested her face against the crook of Loki's neck as he took them both home. Somewhere in between their speedy transportation, Natasha found that she had regained control over her body. She locked her arms around Loki's neck, sobbing in between a round of 'I'm sorry.'

Loki took her trembling form to the bed where he laid her down. "Natasha…" Before he could prod her with questions, Natasha's body curled up into a ball as she hissed in pain, arms hugging her middle.

She forced herself upright and staggered to the bathroom with Loki at her heels. "Stay there," she muttered before slamming the door in his face.

The god stood as still as a statue. He waited ten minutes, overhearing her whimper and sniff over a running faucet. "Natasha?"

"Don't come in!" Her voice was low and pained.

After another fifteen minutes, he heard her cry out and curse in her native tongue. There was nothing more heart wrenching than being forced to listen to his beloved's howls. But then, there was complete silence, a stillness that felt more uncomfortable than hearing the assassin cry.

The bathroom door opened and Natasha threw herself at Loki, her body falling limp in his embrace.

Loki tried to focus on Natasha, but a trail of blood spattered on the bathroom floor caught his attention. His eyes followed the trail to the toilet where the water had turned black from her loss. In that moment, Loki remembered what it felt like to feel fear.

"I'm sorry…" Natasha murmured, her cheek against the god's chest. "It's gone."


End file.
